Damn it...

well.. last night  was great. Me and Lisa sang our hearts out to Pat Benater and 80's music on the way home.. We Ate great pizza..goofed off, Watched out regular Tuesday night t.v shows.

Then i headed over to Andrews.. Watched t.v.. finally got my DVD back it's great..watched t.v all day 

 now i'm home, talking on the phone..

Can't wait till tonight.. it's gonna be great.. w0ot..  Hopefully Lisa is feeling better..

alright Everyone have a Safe New Years Eve.....

 

P.S. I Love screaming out loud to my favorite bands in my car by myself...

ha

 So I just went outside to get my c.d's and this huge gust of wind blew my skirt up.

True Story..

So Here i Am....

I enjoyed myself last night.. went up to block buster and rented some movies,  Boondock Saints. How to Deal. And Legally Blonde II...

Then my horoscope today read-End An unhealthy relationship--a clean break is best. haha ain't the god honest fucking truth..

My parents gave my money last night for christmas.. My Dad felt bad he had more presents under the tree then i did, so I possibly might go to the mall again today, not sure if i wanna deal with the crowds though.. i feel like i live there.

Anywho i dunno what i'm doing tonight. Lisa is taking her dad out to dinner for his birthday so.. Scratch hanging out with her. If she doesn't get in to late. But tomorrow is New Years Eve.. and once again i will have no one to Kiss at mid-night. Nothing new there though...

Like a Dog.. he's loyal to his bone.. MuAhahahaha... fucking hate it. just another notch on his bed post.. should have known.. shame shame on me...I'm cutting ur week short. Fuck you...

I Love being so negative towards you.. i have so much hate running through my veins right now for you, you'll never understand. This game u play with girls, is going to catch up with you, I've never felt so ALIVE..

okie doke.. haha. I'm gonna go make me breakfast.. and finish my movies..

not here.. not now.. not you

3 shirts and two eye shadows later.. i'm done shopping for the day.. I went to Urban Outfitters and got my shirts.. then When i got home i relized the dumb fuck gave me the wrong color in my eye shadow i wanted so i have to go back to MAC and get the right color.. idiot..

Anywho.. My moms giving my money tonight to get my James Dean calender and get another eye shadow..And to come to find out when i went up to HCC there closed till the 2nd so i have to wait to register..

And I'm so fucking going to Orlando this week.. With lisa or by myself.. i need to get outta this town..and get my Van checkered shoes..

It was beautiful outside today...i loved every minute of it.

And we wait above a road.
We're turning to go home.
And the silence from the side of the car,
Tells me everything and how we are.
Cause there's no more trying to make this so right.
Theres no more trying tonight.

And you know it's not so easy when you're all alone,
And I wonder if, I'm alone in your head.

I know something is wrong,
I just don't know what to do.
You say it's only me, and, that I'm so perfect for you.
I don't want to try no more,
I don't want to make this right.
I just want you to be true to me one time.

And you know it's not so easy when you're all alone,
And I wonder if I'm alone in your head.

Twelve days gone by, since I have saw you last,
I'll give this one more try,
I'll give it all my best, and, I'll ask
What could you be doing that is so much fun?
Without me by your side,
Without me by your side.
And, I will take a step back, and, I'll let you ahead,
And, I will take a step away, and, see if you come back,
Because there's no more trying to make this so right,
Theres no more trying,
Theres no more trying tonight.

We'll never be the same,
We will never be the same,
We will never be the same,
We will never be the same,
Until your done.

P.S I Love Sunshine on my shoulders... hah...

Fuck you And You.. And You.. And You...

Well, I've been up since around 7:45.. being that i went to bed at 10:30, because i had nothing to do.. I'm gonna jump in the shower in a bit and get ready for my day..Signing up for classes, then try to spend my Gift certificates i have..

It should be a wonderful day ALL BY MY FUCKING SELF!

I'm getting use to this lonely shit.. lol..

I had an enlighten conversation with someone last night.. that informed me of you Boys fucked up ways  of going on about shit.... all i have to say to that, is It's my own fault for falling for you fucked up ways...

With that said.. What Goes around comes around.. and i guess this is my coming around.. and you will get yours in the end...

I'm embracing this hate thats filling  my veins.. sadness becomes anger..

YOUR FAILURE IS MY REVENGE.....lifes gonna catch up with you in the end...

last time.. i promise.. honest..

watched. Repo Men-The Lives of Thiefs. haha.. funny ass show..

ate some eggplant lasagune, took a hot ass bath, talked to Bobby while i was dropping the kids off at the pool..hah..

Later tonight-Wild Boys-Vive La Bam.

it is unexpected phone calls from you. that give me that glimpse of hope. But it's times like these when i miss you the most, and when you don't call is when i feel like giving up on you, and everything in the future.I've never been like this, this has never happened to me before im glad that things change so quickly..i feel like the rugs been pulled from under my feet.you arent who i thought you were, our past means nothing in the present i suppose. having you as close as i thought we were was a nice thought.then again, thoughts are worthless. I'd like to think of you as just a memory now a mere thought of my imagination. It's fucking hilarious how you use to be when we first started hanging out, you made me feel i was all you ever wanted. what a laugh now. you give me your lame excuses now why you can't hang out, or why you don't call.Most of my conversations consist of you, and your in my daily thoughts.  Every bone in my body aches for you, Why? You can't ever say I haven't tried.I've made a pact with myself this is the last week, if i don't see you this week.
Thats it. Your time is up, Those few times i was with you. I will hold close for
 future refrence to never let myself go so fast, to get so caught up in your fucking lies and think i'm different from the last girl. You can't even begin to grasp how fucking bad i want this.. and i'm getting nothing in return...One week..

P.S.. I wear my christmas underwear year round.. =)

This town is dead to me..

work was good.. Had my rits bits lunch once again..

Came home to see my mama folded my laundry for me.. =)

called you again last night.. no call back as usual...

Does it really matter....

Tonight was nice.. Came home.. ate- Rice. turkey Bacon and then cooked me and Lisa Chicken tenders then i finished up my chocolate cake..

Then i cleaned out my closet. gave lisa some clothes/belts/purse..

Did two loads of Laundry

Met up with Son and Me and Lisa treated him to his b-day dinner at Champs..Then we saw Stuck on you.. What a waste of 6 bucks.

And now I'm here.. Once again thinking about him, and Missing him like crazy.

 I Work tomorrow 10-4..same ol same ol... Monday i'm gonna go try n sign up for my classes.. eck.. dready that shit.. then either monday or tuesday getting my tat touched up.. depends if i'm up for the pain..

anywho that is all.. Sorry my post have been boring as fuck lately, and so blah blah i miss him.. he never calls shit.. but whatever.. thats me. Boring as fuck and Missing him...

Standing where i am...

well work was good.. no complaints...

Tonight...going out to eat with some friends then going to See a movie, since we didn't end up going last night.. Both n Lisa were pooped from the long day..

Early this morning got a call from Andrew made my morning/day hearing his voice.. He couldn't sleep, and i was tossing n turning.. So he called around 5 am.. =) little things once again....

 

FuCk iT....

Christmas Bonus check in the mail today+ Chocolate cake=BEST FUCKING NIGHT SPENT ALONE!!!!!!!

 

P.S.  I wish i had my fucking Riding in vans with Boys DVD back Andrew, So i'd have something to laugh about..

forget this thing called love...

open sky.. open ether..  Just getting back from Eating with Son and Lise then me n Lisa went up to the mall to try to do some bargain shopping.. no such luck.. Fucking Hollister was a mess it was horrible...

Today was long.. worked 9-6 busy as hell..  phones were ringing off the hook.. Andrew called me early in the morning.. made my day. =) little things that count..

Tonight.. Possibly going to see Stuck on you with Lisa and one of her friends.. Asked andrew to come over.. but that was a negative.. no surprise there..

Tomorrow.. Work 9-5 Free hamburgers and hotdogs if any of you guys wanna come out to Harley..haha donations of course. to the Good ol' Boyscouts.

Tomorrow Night.. who fucking knows....but I'm not counting on seeing Andrew.. I've giving up on that...he never wants to hang out....

 

Hard to believe i've played this game..

and i'm thinking about you all the time.. sitting round waiting for your call..alkaline trio always says it best.

Last night was nice. got a little tipsy off of red wine.. came home. n went to bed.. now i'm up and about to go to work eck.. after that i might go shopping with Lisa. who knows...what the night holds..

I hope i'm not feeling all this in vain..maybe i should stop wishing..

you know i'm still here, the faithful one. waiting for a message from him then i'll come... faster... than i ever thought that i could run... cause i... i need you more than i ever thought that i could need someone, yeah... someone, someone else. that i could need someone else... someone else.

blah.. i'm tired of living my life by fucking quotes.. it's quite pathetic.

Do you even miss me at all?

Waking up. zero'd in on medicine..

Merry Christmas Everyone..

So far so good, i got everything on my x-mas list minus my van checkered shoes, which i will get when me and lisa go on our Mini road trip to Orlando. =) Good times.. Anywho, i just got outta the tub and about to get ready to go over to my Aunt's to open more presents and stuff my face.. then i will proceed over to Lisa's and eat more then go to a x-mas party deal.. and then Lisa is having people over at her apt. To Celebrate more.. no complaints.. =)

Wish i was with you this christmas..Miss you more then you will ever know. Hope i get to see you soon, I miss your smile and your lips on my skin....

 

Ho..Ho..Hoe??

hum de dum.. De.. dum.. Today haha.. what can i say about today.. nothing.. Got up around 10.. ate some mean ass turkey bacon..finally showered.. then my mom came and i watched some t.v with her.. ended up falling asleep in my towl n robe.. and now i'm here.. were about to go have a mother daughter dinner i feel like i haven't really seen n been with her in forever.. Mom was like so what are u doing tonight, i was just like nothing i have no where to go,  I'm gonna hang out at home with you, so u don't have to be alone on x-mas eve...and anywho Lisa is going over to her parents. And Being Lisa the only one i ever hang out with.. that answers that question. 

As for what usually happens on x-mas eve.. My Father is being a lush at the moment so u can scratch going over to My Aunt's house this evening.. i hate him when he's like this..

anywho.. Tomorrow should be fun..  i can't wait..

Merry Christmas Eve...

Good Enough...

Today was great.. Went out to eat twice with Lisa.. haha.. then hit up the mall, what a mad house.. hung out her house n watch out T.v shows. The Simple Life and Rich Girls.. helped her clean her car... and now i'm here..

alone and coughing up my lungs..

It's been far to long since i've seen you last.. a week to be exact. and it doesn't seem to look up from here...

All the fear has left me now
I'm not frightened anymore.
It's my heart that pounds beneath my flesh.
it's my mouth that pushes out this breath
and if I shed a tear I won't cage it.
I won't fear love
and if I feel a rage I won't deny it.
You never felt a thing
so soon forgotten
all that you do
is more than words
I tried to tell you
the more I tried I failed

2 hours later.. i have the fucking cleanest house on the whole goddamn block..

down fall.. my hands burn from the bleach.. and my back aches..

Later today-I gotta go up to International Mall and get my Sister a gift certificate for my mama.. then that is all.. haha.. some life. eh?...

It's pretty sad that i update this shit 200 million times a day..

Right now i just don't care...

after finally having a good nights sleep i'm up and at em at 8:30.. haha.. Lisa's mama gave me medicine last night when we went over there n ate Chili and it knocked me out around 1:30..

anywho a recap of yesterday.. Me and Lisa went up to burlington Coat Factory and i got a cute pair of shoes, way outta my style but i couldn't resist.. perhaps i'm turning a new leaf?.... Then we went to countryside mall... Crazy drunk golf cart driver guy.. was a hoot.. we left empty handed.. ate dinner.. then we hung out at her apartment for a bit to figure out something to do.. We ended up seeing.. Somethings Gotta Give.. in which afterwards me and Lisa felt so alone, and unloved.  quite depressing.. being that we have no one...blah...

P.S It was nice talking to you last night, I've missed you.

Devils' Seed...

i don't think i can feel any more alone then i do right now.. Fuck Romance movies that make you feel like shit..

 I've giving up on you. I don't know why i do this to myself, It's not worth it. Your a liar and could careless about me. I was so stupid to believe you.. lol.. i can only laugh at it now when i look back on it. I'm learning from my mistakes i've made with you.. never again. Can you feel this? It's my heart and its broken.

Fucking Beautiful...

ahh.. well today has been surpsingly productive.. Did my dads book keeping.. Wraped the rest of my presents.  drank 4 cups of hot tea.. haha and now me and lisa are off to forget our sorrows and perhaps spend a little dough..

had an enlightening conversation with Bobby..

 and i've relized nothing is going to bother me anymore i've gone to numb to anyone or anything that comes near me...thanks to you. =)

 

P.S Have u been outside today.. it's fucking beautiful.. Days like this keep me going..

Trouble Breathing....

after a horrible night of tossing and turning.. I'm finally giving up on sleep. I have no plans today but whate else is new right, i'm going to nurse myself back to normal..

I've got a big fat fuckin' bone to pick with you my darling
In case you haven't heard I'm sick and tired of trying
I wish you would take my radio to bathe with you,
plugged in and ready to fall....

once again, no returned phone call..  i give up.. i'm over it now.. fuck it..

This ones for you....

haha so my mama just saw my back.. She came into my room  and was like so you got any tattoo's u want me to know about, and i just laughed and was like what mom.?  So i showed her.. and she was just like. ugh.. How are u gonna wear the wedding dress i wanted you to.. the halter top with the low back, with that thing showing.. and i was just like mom u act like i'm getting married next month, i was just like i'm not gonna get married i'm gonna  live with you and jack n honey the rest of my life.. and she just laughed no your not, you should already be outta here.. lol..

I Love my mom..

Tell me all the things i need to know...

Woke up a little late for work..

Ate my lunch from the vending machine-Ritz Bits.

Tried my hardest to not miss you, and think about you..

Came home ate a kick ass dinner..

And now i just got outta the tub and  being lazy, i don't feel like doing anything so i probably won't. Andrew said he "needed" to see me, but i'm not driving out there so whatever and he has yet to call so i doubt i'll even see him. Lisa gets off at 7, by then i might possibly feel like going out, so i'm going to see if she would want to see a movie with me. Mona Lisa's Smile?..

 haha.. my dads over right now, i love my parents theres never a dull moment when were all together.. Christmas is in 3 days.w0oh0o.. i can't wait.. even though i already got my "big present" that being my phone.. so i doubt i'll see a Yorkie under the tree.

anywho.. Todays been a good day.. now i'm going to satisfy my sweet tooth.

never be the same...

i should have kept to do what i was doing, ignoring you and being rude and mean all the time, it seemed then u wanted to see me most. if i had  this wouldn't bother me so much. But now..When i show interest, you shy away..why was i so niave to think when u said it was different with me, that u meant it, now i relize i was fucking stupid...I remember that first night, you called me later that evening and you and your friends sang alkaline trio for me... i remember the late night phone calls when you would wake me up...I miss that and i miss you.. now i can't even get a return phone call from  you, or a "come hang out with me.".....

fuck me for being so convenient when you call and want me to come over, always going there to see you, heaven forbid you come see me..

but fuck this i'm tired of waiting around for you to ask me to do things, and waiting around for your call.. i hate myself for liking you so much, why the fuck do i? who knows....

I was stupid to give myself to you..seems now after that, you drift further away..whatever, I'm done with it. fuck it..

but on the lighter note, my back aches from tonight and my tat looks awesome. tonight was kinda a bomb, plans didn't work out like they were suppose to..explaining why i'm home at 12:30 on a saturday fucking night...oh well what else is new.

And with this said and done i still miss you  more then ever...

Set a Fire...

The first time I saw you there
I told myself I would not talk to you
what else can I do?
Its a stupid game and now that i can understand the true romances are more than just a fad
They play it in a band and you mean so much to me

you set a fire inside me
you knock me to the ground
so now im getting up
your nowhere to be found

Wake up..Wake up..Wake up...

Marvin Gaye came on the radio when i was coming home this evening and it made me think of you Andrew.. =) haha...Sexual healing....

Tonight haha go to Lisa's journal to know what happened.. Poor Girl. Think positive kiddo.. fuck the drama..

Anywho, work tomorrow then going to finish up my ink.. that is all.

g'nite.. n...sweetdreams

I dunno where my heart is....

well i'm about to head out with Lisa and Eric to this party out in The Oaks. where ever the heck that is.. today was fun.. goofing off With Lisa, and  eating at Tia's.

I Finally talked to you and it was the highlight of my week.. <3 Wish i could see you, Miss everything about you..

it's funny i write all this stuff about you in my journal, and i have no idea if u even read it..If you know.. that all those I miss you's are meant for you..Hopefully u know who u are jerk-face.  I hate you with the fire of a thousand suns....

Sort this out....

ahh well.. i'm having the hardest time figuring out this phone.. goddamn it

Pick up check

Go to bank..

then... me and Lisa are heading out to Brandon Mall in a few to finish up her x-mas shopping then who knows what will do..

I'm really tired of missing you, you really should come see me.. since it's always the other way around.. 

The Pleasure would be all mine....

Well last night was fun to say the lease.. minus the drama part.. haha i swear boys are worse then girls sometimes.. Anywho.. Went n ate at Bamboo Club with some friends then we went to The Castle, and i danced my butt off.. It was Fun, i can't complain... better then sitting at home like I usually do..

Today- I have nothing to do.. pick up check play with my phone n try to firgure it out*so confusing* then.. i dunno..

It's been two days since i've last heard your voice..since i've last held you in my arms...i'd hate to put it all out there, The hardest things to say are the words that mean the most so I'll bite my thounge till it bleeds and i doubt you'll even know. I wish i saw more of you, that you were just as crazy about me as i am about you....

I'm so fucking emo, someone shoot me already...

I HATE DRAMA......dumb fucks..

The Fuck-Up.

Tell me i don't have the best fucking parents in the world.. they just surprised me with a new CAMERA FUCKING PHONE!!!!! holy fuck.. u know ur jealous.. don't fucking hate..

Besides that i had a wonderful day. finished x-mas shopping then me n Lisa hit up the good ol Green parrot.*free food* then went to International mall and i got a pair of Jeans.. then I treated us to Starbucks.. Peppermint Hot Chocolates rock my socks like theres no tomorrow.. and Tonight were going to Bamboo Club to eat.. then who knows what..But today Rocked!

on the other hand.. haha.. Missing someone like crazy..it's sad b/c i don't even know if i even cross his mind.. =(

anywho i'm gonna get ready for this evening then play with my FUCKING PHONE!! =)

 

P.S I'm having the best  hair day ever.. It fucking owns you.

Queen of Pain....

7 days till Christmas..=)

Today woke up.. ate..just got out of the shower and now i'm getting ready to finish my x-mas shopping then spend money on myself, because i fucking deserve it, end of story..

The rest of the week i have nothing to do.. But Saturday i'm going with chris to finish up my ink, and get my Horseshoe touched up.. and thats all..blah..

I had the craziest fucking dreams last night...word..

Check ya later suckas......

o Fuck.. Watch out now...

Cleaned under my bed.

Organized my Closet and Entertainment center..

Got rid of a bunch of crap/shit i didn't need.

Did two loads of Laundry..

Now wrapping gifts galore...

Then i'm going to start burning c.ds to sell..

Missing a certain someone.. <3

I'm on a fucking roll.. No stopping me now u fucks...

Strange..

ahh.. well i just getting home from Andrews  from sleeping over n what not..  we watched "Riding in Vans with Boys" my third his first. then we laid in bed all day.He makes me laugh so much, i love it..and now i'm here eating lucky charms..

I feel as though i'm 10 feet tall when i'm with you.. Everytime i see that you've called, or are calling.. i get the hugest smile.. I know i shouldn't be saying this or be feeling this, but i am.. just afraid i'm just another girl to you, i dunno,.. blah blah blah.. i wish i knew how you felt... maybe i'm expecting to much maybe i should play it cool, play it by ear..who knows.. i just can't decribe the feeling i get when i'm with you...

Oh well, you got me under your spell.
And I don't think that I'm kidding around.
I don't think I can forget you now.
Remember, the only thing we need sometimes.
Are chilly nights and warmer thighs.
'Cause nothing's like being held.

2nd degree burns...

At last.. i'm done with my errons i had to run today. besides going grocery shopping due to my mama forgot to leave me her credit card.. I also bought the "Riding in Vans with Boys" dvd..it rocks my socks like there's no tomorrow.. and the  story of the year c.d.. also good..i'm gonna go grocery shopping when my mom gets home, so that will keep me busy for a bit..

Then I'm gonna go up to Borders later though, and get coffee  and read a book or two.. really don't feel like sitting in this house another night.. i need a show to go to.. meet people who enjoy the same things i do.. instead of always being the black sheep around people..

okie doke.. I'm off to finish my dvd....

Today fucking rocked!...

Smile you Fuckers..

hUm de DuM..De..DuM.. Sat on my ass all day besides going over to my Daddy's to eat brocolli and yellow rice.. It Was nice..I Love my Dad. Tomorrow.. i have a consitant day-Get Oil changed-Exchange mama's gift-Get Dad his gift-Grocery Shop-and go to the Bank..

And i'm turning a new leaf.. no more feeling sorry for myself, when i sit at home and have nothing to do.. If i'm bored then i'm boring end of story. so fuck it..

This is outta no where, but i remember a while back i was sitting at Jeoffers in ybor.. minding my busisness one thursday night. a ritual i use to do, and watch the drunks.. and This Fat guy walks by and blows me a kiss.. and  i just look at him funny..  and he says "Hey c'mon and smile i'm a fat guy blowing you a kiss." classic.i couldn't help but smile... I use to get some wierdo's on my coffee nights..I miss those nights..Lisa we have to do that one evening soon.. Get a good laugh outta it..

I'm determined to make my entries more upbeat and cheery.. fo shizzle my nizzle..

I'm Falling faster...

Well..Well..Well....It's Monday.. and i'm sitting on my ass once again. =) Rock on! I have no plans today,  i don't expect any phone calls from anyone to make plans, nor is there shit to do on monday afternoons...

Last night talked on the phone with Andrew <3...

This entry is pointless.. haha.. but i continue to write about stupid shit..blah

 I Need a fucking life.. something or someone to put back all the blood in my viens..I wish i knew how you felt, what u consider us.. Whats going through your head, when were together..but as for now.. i just feel like just another girl who likes you way to much, and just here for a substitute till someone greater comes along..this fucking sucks...

Your bodies warm, but you are not...

Well Work was decent the highlight was.. "I like the Fatboys the best, because i'm a Fat Boy." haha..

Came home.. sat around-Got a spurt of energy and organized the pantry and cleaned out the fridge-Painted my nails-Searched for something to eat.. came up empty handed..I love seeing my friends happy..Even if alls wrong in the world, as long as there happy.. makes my day..<3

and tonight.. i plan on sitting on my ass, and go back and forth from the t.v to the computer.. some sunday evening huh?...

All the things i try to hide....

dun..dun..dun.. Just got up getting ready for work.. It's raining, and that usually means more cold.. blah..

My Back aches..

I'm going to be bored today....

....And i love recieveing late night phone calls from you...just something about waking up from being dead asleep and hearing your voice that gets me everytime.. =)

I've never felt so alone...

well tonight was fun.. got off work, got my tattoo with Chris.. and it looks awsome..  i'll go back in a later time to get the four leaf clovers i want.. And Chris's tats look awesome.. He had to act like a gimp for part of the night.Then we went to his works x-mas party.. haha all i have to say is i love old drunk people.. NEW JERSEY!!!.good times..

Last night.. Went over to  Andrew's and spent the night.. <3

You got what u wanted.. Is what u said the weekend before all a bunch of bull to reel me in.. ah well lucky me, you won.  And now a day after i hear nothing from you..Maybe i'm expecting too much from this.. i dunno..  I hate it how i get so wound up in a situation.. This one for example, and i want to call you, but i don't want to seem weak.. so like the typical girl, i'll wait around my room, and wait for you....

I'm fucking starvin all i've eaten today was half a hot dog at work...

Tomorrow consist of....

Work..

Come home sit on my ass and do nothing..

P.S. Once again i'm feeling cold and alone...I need you tonight.

Just Driving away...

ahh.. well i've been cleanign house..took jack to get his hair cut.. and now i'm cooking chicken nuggets and watching "Riding in Vans with Boys" some funny shit right there.. i might possibly go out and buy the DVD..

But Saturday.. I'm going to finally go get my horseshoe tattoo, that i've been wanting with Chris.. so.. should be a decent weekend.. And being that no school on monday.. fuck yay!

okie doke.. my hands smell like bleach.. and my nuggets are done.. adios.

Hellish fight to not think about you...

The Play was funny.. haha.. to say the lease then we hit up the mall. and lisa got her mama a x-mas gift, then we went to starbucks got me one kickin peppermint Hot chocolate..

-couldn't find shit to do, so we went back to her apt. n watched The Simple Life.. and me n lisa discovered we would be the same way complaining all the time.. haha which is the funny part..then we watched The Ozzy X-mas good times..

Highlight of the night though was.. Hanging out of her windows like a fucking thug and dancing to outkast..

and that concludes that.. goodnight...

P.S I wanna wake up naked next to you.. kissing the curve of your clavicle..It's  been a hellish fight to not think about you all the time..

Another Day without a lover....

Went to Class.. Teacher didn't show up

Went to the mall to get mama her gifts..

Then hit up Ybor with Lisa.. Bought a kick ass white belt. and a t-shirt

Did other errons..

Called Andrew-didn't pick up

Now.. i'm home being bored.. waiting till i can leave to go back over to Lisa's to go to her mom's School play.. It should be Fun seeing those little kids. haha...

It's been far to long since i've seen Andrew..

 P.S. my Hip bone and Knee are killing me.. there so sore from yesterday...

It's my heart, and it's broken...

scratch hanging out with Andrew..

made some kick-ass cool aid..

starvin' and have no food..

Bored off my ass and lonely....

Please Forgive...

hahaha.. the funniest shit happen today.. So me and Lisa go to be good citizens and give blood.. then afterwards we head to JCpenny's to take back a coat my mom got me, and i start to feel woosie.. and my vision gets blurry and next thing i know.. i'm passed out on the floor..  it was funnier then shit..  the reason why i did was b/c i hadn't eat all day and then went n gave blood.. The Fire department came and all.. i was just sitting there..Laughing and saying "I was Fine" then i'd fall over and black out again.. *Lisa told me this i don't remember a thing* haha anywho..

Possibly Hanging out with Andrew and what not later this evening..it's save to say there's not a moment that goes by in my day that i'm not thinking about him.. i'm completly nose over tail for this boy..and i feel like such a loser....

Dodge and Burn...

Last night was interesting.. to say the lease.. haha..Me n Lisa went n got ice-cream then headed back to her house and Son and Jeremy came over.. As for them haha i have no comment.. They were funnier then shit.. heaven help them.

Today-Stiches out-Christmas Shopping-Pick up check-Goofing Off-Smoothie King.

Did you know my sweet, that i took the liberty to watch you sleep, It's nothing i have against you it's this  heart of mine that i'm protecting, this aching thats deep down inside when i'm not with you.

I think about you way too much jerk-face.

Can't hurt if you don't Care....

w0ot.. Today has been good so far.. but really odd.. my mom comes in my room this morning and is like where is my phone charger and i told her it's in my car.. she was all pissy sounding.. then was like your not going out tonight tomorrow and the next day and the day after so on and so forth?  and The reason why i can't.. haha..i have no idea.. i haven't done anything wrong.. I think it's just her way to show authority  or whatever.. i haven't done a thing.. and she's telling me not to go out.. Under what grounds? and for that matter i haven't been home to do anything wrong.. makes no sense to me.. but whatever.. no sweat off my back.. anywho i have no plans for the rest of the day.. due to the fact i can't go anywhere.. But i'm gonna go make my List of stuff i have to accomplish before Christmas..  o the joy!

Just Kiss me before i go...

home sweet home... spent sunday night laying in bed watching movies with Andrew.. i think it was 5 we watched..-Wrong Turn-Slackers-Bruce Almighty-Formula 51-Pirates of the Carribean-thats all i can remember at the moment..

to an extent i feel like i'm some pawn in this little game of yours,perhaps another notch on your bedpost..It feels like i'm drowning and i don't want to sink..Sometimes you leave me alone and trembling for you, I'm holding back everything i can, not giving my all due to the fact, i'd feel all of this in vain. My mind is running faster then my fingers can type..i dunno what i'm saying with all this.. blah blah..none of this makes sense at all...sorry for the spill...

Walking is still honest...

no complaints just good clean fun.. I was sober, and i didnt really care.. got made of b/c of my cheeks and i didn't really care..

I'm in such a good mood.. sheesh.. three words "Fuck you Bobby"  haha.. u made my night with the fucking lame-ass e-mail..Your the only REGRET i have in my life.. and i hope it cuts you to the bone if you ever read this.. with your "i still care for you" bullshit and "i wanted to get you back" fuck friendship after this....hahaha.. =) with love Britni...

P.S Thank you Andrew for coming all the way out there, and making my non-drinking self, enjoy my night.. means more then you'll ever know...

 

 

this house is full of ears but i can't talk to anyone...

hahaha..My mama this morning. *I'll be glad when you go back to normal* due to my fat ass cheeks =) I love her to death...

Stayed on the phone till dawn it seemed like last night...

Can't wait till tonight.. Pissed off chipmonk cheeks and all..I'm gonna rock these motherfuckers like theres no tomorrow..

Going to buy me some new plugs today and go get me a pedicure like i said earlier.. i deserve it..

anywho.. i'm off to get ready and show the world my two ton cheeks...

 

don't waste your time with me..

tonight i am content.. and i have nothing interesting to complain about or better yet talk about... Tommorrow is Anti-flag hopefully i'll fill up to it.. if not.. oh well..  i'm not to disappointed if i do miss it.. B/c next big thing is on Sunday..Though Anti-flag is on my top Five all Fav. Bands..

I miss my only friend.. i haven't seen her in ages..

 I hate how these stiches in my mouth are ripping apart my gums.

I love how my Jack snuggles up real close to me in the middle of the night when he gets cold..

I hate that fact i can't take compliments, how i try to brush them off.. or when someone trys to be nice to me.. i get all akward, and throw a smart-ass comment out there to break that weird, i miss you and wanna see you too tension. blah..

P.S.. Wish you didn't live so far.. i'd so be over there with my chipmonk cheeks and all....

 

scream it untill you're coughing up blood..

s0o yeah.. my cheeks are the size of grapefruits.. =( fuck it.. Me and my mama went to the mall today, and did a little x-mas shopping, i got me my mine pea coat, it's tons cuter then the one i wanted, and a sweater and a long sleeve shirt.. Then we ate at P.F Changs, good chinese... Then today i have nothing planned possibly go get a pedicure to cheer myself up..

Lisa I'm always here for you.. Call me tonight if u wanna have a girls night out, just chillin though nothing big, due to that i look like a chipmonk and i'm all drugged up.. I miss ya.

you fondle my trigger then blame my gun.

yeah, So i've thrown up 4 times now and counting.. i feel horrible.. i feel like crying every second i'm awake, This viacodin is kicking my ass.. and i can't hold anything down in my stomach for less then 5 mins.. my bodies aching to the bone and i have the shakes from not eating.. I've never felt this horrible in my life...someone please save me from this...i just want to fall asleep and wake up feeling brandnew.. or just not wake up at all....

Touching you.. touching Me...

aHhh.. well today was good.. Andrew came and visited me and we went n ran some errons.. Got Lisa her X-mas present.. o0o'yes.. hahaha.. Then we ate at Steak n Shake.. finally got my milk shake and big choco. Cookie.. =) then we came back here and watched Valley Girl..Classic.. Then i went over to my daddys to eat dinner... And now i'm here.. about to write my philpsophy paper.. rock...

It's so fucking odd..  someone calls you and tells you they had sex with someone else.. about a month ago and this past monday.. then When you tell them about something..there like that still hurts.. lol.. what the fuck? your fucking around and you hear about me.. and it hurts? lol.. Fuck you.. you have some nerve...i find it fucking hilarious...thanks for the laugh Bobby..

Today was a good Day.. =)

c'mon motherfucker c'mon...

HOLY FUCK MY MAMA FOUND ME MY PEACOAT!!!!!!!

whatever the fuck ever....

ahh.. well today has been wonderful i haven't done shit!.. hahahahaha... I have yet to find my fucking peacoat.. goddamn it. Tomorrow.. once again.. i will do nothing.. But Andrew is supposely going to come visit me.. Will see if it really happens.. Then Fucking Thursday.. getting my wisdom teeth pulled..eeckk... Whats funny is i have my Philosophy exam that evening and it just so happens to be an Oral Exam..  not sure how i'm going to go about doing that... I'll improvise.sp? this post sucks.. it's boring and i have nothing interesting to say...

You Are Beautiful....

ahh.. well today was uneventful.. besides gettin white ribbon for a belt.. and getting photo's developed and then this little kid staring at me in Johann Fabics,.. Either it.. was my peircings.. or the fact that i looked like a rockabilly today.. and i bought at book at Borders.. "the Fuck up" o'yes..Anywho..potato pancakes for dinner then me n lisa need sugar in our veins...

P.S.. I love how my dollhouse jeans say "You are Beautiful" on the inside..

Hopelessly Addicted...

..after going to bed alittle after 8.. and it bing 9:30 right now i think i'm well rested, and even after all that sleep i'll probably take a nap to..

but i was thinking this morning.. It's so funny how  You talk to someone everyday, you see them practically everyday of your 2 years of knowing each other, and then they tell you to Fuck off, and never talk to them again.. And in which process you do.. But you can't help to think, are they thinking about you.. Do they really want things this way.. It hurts.. And you don't want to give in and write them an e-mail, IM them, Or call them..But when they do make knowledge of you, i.e sending you a IM, you get this spark of hope, Even if nothing comes of it, just friends ya know.. I know there's nothing left there..But They were your best friend..And now you have nothing....I had a dream about you last time, you two year person, you know who u are if u ever do read this.. But i fucking hate it..that dream, and the shit thats going on, It's better this way, i've relized that now.. The wounds are healing, and my heart is mending on it's own..It's time to fucking move on, as i see you have..I'm so over it..

Enough blabing...haha..I'm sicken to the bone, and my body aches, and pumpkin pie is screaming my name...rock...