Boobie..

 

 

wow i just thought of something today... out of no where.. so..

Dear Bobby,

If you still even read this, i've come to the conclusion i am finally competely over you. It's Amazing.. i would have never thought.. but i guess it took way longer then usual.. so now, i think you should talk to me. because your super jealous girl has nothing to worry about. I'm over trying to steal ya away from that silly girl. I'm sure she lurks over this thing anywho.. and will somehow come across this.. but.. really.. i miss ya. come outta your hole, and talk to a Britni..=)

<3

 

hahahahaha.. i'm great really.. Smarter then your average bear.

.a shame.

 

all i have to say is Carmen Electra's Aerobic Striptease. haha.. it's fantastic.

and all i've been listening to today and all day yesterday is Glassjaw.. why? beats me, i'm in a kick.

I went to borders this evening and bought '52 tips for Bridesmaids' because i have no freakin idea what i'm suppose to do for Gwen's wedding. I'm jealous to say the lease.. She's so happy, it makes me sick.And i have to go along which is even sadder, Jason can't get off. I'd give anything to be that settled in my life. Roger would always tease me we'd get married and now look at us. though i know we wouldn't now far too soon, but the whole thought of it made me smile. I'm thinking outloud and crazy i must say. blah.. lets change the subject. Roger is a sour one when he's the topic of conversation. Though i miss the boy and his silly antics.

Friday-brighteyes with Erik. I'm much excited his new c.d is great, well both of em if you want to get technical. I drop my parents off at the airport on thursday morning, which means. If you see a girl with short blonde hair driving like a mad women in a silver infiniti. It's me and move outta my way..because i get crazy when i'm in that car. it's like a go cart compared to my truck.. I love it. i don't know what the fuck i'm talking about...

Anywho.. i must jump in the tub, and soak. and listen to music, and watch Carnivale.

night.

hi

 

 

him: Do you have anything to do today?

me: nope

him: So you get to spend the whole day with me?

me: uh huh

him: Good, I like that.

 

need i say more?

 

 

"Everything is as it has always been.
This never happened.
Don't take it so bad it is nothing you did.
It's just once something dies you can't make it live.
You are a beautiful boy.
You're a sweet little kid but I am a woman."

 

i love me some brighteyes

<3

burns you up.\|_)(&^%

well..well..well... so i've been at Gwenies all week being that her beau was outta town, we ruled the streets of bruce b downs in a bmw. and froze our asses off. she made me dinner, and cleaned house. It was fantastic..

last night.. pshh.. where to begin. it was great. went down to the irish pub in ybor with the boy and some of the fellas for Ryan's b-day, and i got drunk, too drunk. which ended up me throwing up everywhere.. and consistly saying over and over again.. 'I don't wanna be drunk anymore, This is so unattractive.' It was great, threw up this morning before me and Jason went to lunch and now i feel perfect. The group and  what not are gonna make our presence made at the castle this evening, should be another drunken night, and dancing galore to 80's music. I love days off. =)

 but things couldn't be any better really.. Valentines day is coming up, Jason's taking me to disney. EeEeEeEeEe!! It shall be wonderful.

And only i can have a fantastic friend who puts my ring tone as Napoleon Dynamite, I love Celeste and Napoleon.

Now i shall go love up on my dog, and fix me some sweet tea..

love and hate

it's beautiful outside.. and i plan on taking it all in.

today will consist of picking up check. blah blah.. usual. Then the evening is filled with the boy of course, it shall be a lovely night. I haven't had a real update of my life, just bits and pieces of it here and there..but nothing drastic ever happens in my life, therefore no real update. The boys come and go, as always. Not something i'd choose to happen, but what can i do..nada..so i move on. Perhaps, a little too fast in some eyes, but sulking around the house and my friends will only bring me down more. Wheres the fun in that..And the fact that a boy has wanted me since he first laid eyes on me, is quite flattering. i must say. I'm a sucker.. so what. but there are times, when i do think back on past boys, and get all girly and miss them. that usually passes in a few moments but still it happens...and i miss them for a brief sec. and then it's gone..

I'm starved for attention..

My mother is set on me and my sister sending her to her grave early, which  i highly doubt. she would miss us if we weren't around, or making her crazy, with my sister having babies, and me marking up my body with those 'horrible tattoos' It could be worse though, the way i look at it.. i could be a crack whore, chasing dreams with no success.. 

 

B aware that the human heart cannot be broken. -bukowski 

oh i am aware alright.. 

starved

I miss the way you sing low
So I can't hear your voice over
The radio in my car
But you knew every word they sang
You know just the right thing to say when the
Distance rips us farther and farther and farther away
I'll see you soon

If you're coming back this way again
Come back from California
All of us here in Florida
Are starved for your attention
Are starved for your attention
Come back from California
All of us here in Florida
Are starved for your attention
Are starved for your attention

Maybe I fell too fast
Maybe I pushed you away
Now you're gone and I'm afriad
That you're never coming back this away again

I'll see you soon
If you'll come back here
I'll see you soon
Just say that you want to see me too

Come back from California
All of us here in Florida
Are starved for your attention
Are starved for your attention
Come back from California
All of us here in Florida
Are starved for your attention
Are starved for your attention

You know I won't mind if you
Monopolize all my time
I won't say a thing at all
I won't say a word no

So come back from California
Come back from California

 

 

i love copeland  and their lyrics..they hit straight at the heart.

i'm a great blonde now, and fucking hot if i do say so myself.

I miss me some Jason.

<3

i do what i want.

 

Dear journal,

 

i love this a little too much....

 

 

[x] end post [x]

 

p.s. yay for fridays, and spending time with people who make me smile galore.

i am a fake

so i'm faking n baking again.. i'm gonna be nigger brown once again. and i'm going on thursday to go blonde.

I'm so O.C.

this week is promising. much time with the boy. I'm listening to The Used on repeat the past few days, the new c.d by the way.. And it reminds me far too much of you. And i know your reading this..i miss having you around. but then again i really do hate you for the time being. haha. i dunno i'm pulling this out of my ass, i'm making no sense what so ever to myself, and to who ever still reads this.

45t9egdhif blah blah blah...

okay i'm gonna head to bed, and rest my aching bones. And sleep away all these nasty thoughts of you in my head..

 

goodbye.

[x

i mean really what the fuck..

 

i'm a fucking idiot.. when it comes to picking fellas..

 

tsk tsk..

 

but then again i could be over reacting..

or this could be karma.. biting me in the ass..

 

[x] edit [x]

i was over reacting.. <3

<::open our hearts::>

 

 

 

 

pantera is my guilty pleasure.. haha..

cemetary gates.

shhh... it's a secret.

 

 

<3

find me a cave.

 

 

i hate how i'm so doubtdul of things.. if only i could take a piece of everyone i've ever been with put them in one, and the end result the perfect boy ever.. if only it was that easy..

I just got outta the shower, and perhaps i'll go see Phatom of the Opera in a little bit. by myself, i might add.. lame i know.. but it's the best i could do..

i would make this long and drawn out, but i won't..

lets just say i miss people..the calling of them, and hearing their voices, and going out with them, The way they made me feel, i miss the feeling that i was good enough, that i was their only thing, and thats all that matter..I'm not sure this is making any sense..i hope the person who it's directed to gets it..

 

 

just let me sleep some more.. it's easier that way.

kind of perfect.

 

so i didn't go to work today.. first time i have ever called in sick in the two years i've worked there... it's great.. did a little shopping today..as always.. what else is new. then roomed around Borders, and listened to music and read magazines, and ate.

and now i've just been laying around my bedroom, watching t.v, and blah blah..

i've decieded i'm going blonde, because it's so great, and my sandy brown hair is starting to gross me out. i'm so tempted to go out and buy the next cute little dog i see, but Jack would be heart broken, and i just couldn't bare to think he was mad at me. hah.. the things i do for that puppy dog. he was all snuggling on me, his wet nose all up in my neck.

My sides are aching from working out, and my hamstrings hurt.

 

sometimes we just have to let some things go...i promise i'll stop now

i'll take your heart::

 

 

you know when you've found it... there's something i've learned.. because you feel it when they take it away..

 

this evening was good went out with the girls, i was upset by the conversation me and roger had the other evening and drowned my sorrows in alcohol.. i have no idea why..  i couldn't explain it myself, and it didn't help that i was listening to Damien Rice. but whatever.. it's better that i just don't talk to him.. ever.. untill i'm finally done with what attachment i had to him. and i'm pretty close to being done..

 

but anywho, I'm going to the boys after work tomorrow, and i am extremely happy.

and now i'm gonna find a snack... because right now i'm drunk, and lonely, and it's great..

 

P.S. my banana republic purse is the greatest thing i own right now.

 

 

love always,

the richest and greatest girl to walk this great earth.

 

 

Dear Roger,

wow.. i don't know who you are.. you are a hypocrite, and fake.

 

and at this moment i truly do hate you. forgive me for ever leading you on, you had your 'friends' and i had mine..

 

it's amazing how this is effecting me..

everything has changed now..

 

fuck it.

 

*sigh*

 

i have nothing to say..

 

 

 

b-n-b

so i'm alone this evening, the boy went down south to visit a friend.. hmph. Last night went over to his apartment, hung out watched T.v/Movies, then went to bed around 2 but didn't actually go to sleep till about 4.. the conversations consisted of our first meeting, and meetings from after that.. It made me feel wonderful and wanted and beautiful.then around 4 he was like "mmm, There is two pieces of cold pizza in the fridge you want one?!?!".*smile* I miss him tons, he doesn't return till saturday, but i won't see him untill next wednesday evening. blah. sucks. 

I'm so full my mama made baked ziti this evening for my aunts b-day, and red velvet cake.. you are offically jealous..

I was gonna go camping this evening with some friends but passed on  it, too full and way too tired to rough it out for the evening in a tent.Tomorrow i'm picking up my check, and getting my hair cut, or lack of hair cut. The 'Mullet' has got to go..then i'm most likely  gonna go shop..surprise surprise..but as for now i'm sitting here at this thing, listening to cursive, I'll probably watch Garden State again, later b/c i love it, and anyone who thinks otherwise, is a dumb fuck. it's either that or Eternal Sunshine For the Spotless mind.. but that movie reminds me far to much of bobby, and i'd rather not think about him.

My O.C.D was outta control today when i came home.. i removed everything from it's shelfs and dusted cleaned yadda yadda..straighened, washed.. u get the idea.

After the movies
In the parking lot
We stared so long
And you kissed me
With ripe young breath
So I kissed you
One night as forever

In the movies
Well, they never had it so good
One moment
So infinite
On soft wet lips

And I miss you
Are you glad I'm finally gone?
I'm so sorry to hear that
I'm so sorry
I'm so sorry

Have I hurt you?
I have hurt myself
These sad songs won't change anything

Love as fragile as a wineglass
It should have been forever
Love as fragile as a wineglass
It couldn't last forever
I'm so sorry
It couldn't last forever

I remember how we kissed
One night as forever

romance? HA!

 

 

 

i'm stubborn and hard headed, and lazy, and selfish, and i think highly of myself..

and i'm richrichrichrichrichrich......hahahahahaha!

random post, bored taking a break from reading my bukowski book..hum de dum de dum...

i love how i get excited when i'm walking into my favorite clothing store or when i'm sitting down about to eat.

 

more random....random.. hmph. okay i'm done. back to the infamous Charles B.

 

 

ta ta

...frankly.

so i'm gonna be country as fuck on January.29 me and Emily are going to go see Hank Williams Jr. with Big and Rich. Break out the jean skirt and cowboy boots, and i'm set.. It will be a drunken redneck time of course.. I'm so so so excited. eEeeEe! ha! so work was great today slow, i loved it.

So i'm gonna be nigger rich in about a week or so.. i get paid on friday. that will be around 600. and then since over christmas we made our goal for work. so we made our bonus's also.. which will end up being around $800-$900, you do the math. and you wanna know what it is all going to.. Concert tickets, and clothes, and more shoes.. more MAC.. more little bit of everything. then i will be poor again, and live pay check to pay check. i'm excited. and you are jealous.

and i'm happily down to 118 again.. i love my rib cage, and hip bones to death, a little more then i should but whatever. I'm skinny, and rich, and have a great b/f, and a great dog, and a fantastic family. and wonderful friends, and I'm awesome. And i'm going to see Hank Jr. what more could i possibly need/want?

I have out done myself..

<3

blue eyes...

random pics.. of new years, and riding around at Gwens, frezzin my ass off..

 

 

i'm lonely and tired..and miss the boy.

hear those words.

 

 

 

it was a great new years, i'll post pictures later, i don't want to go to work today..I'm listening to country all day, and probably all week to,

I'm southern, and have the accent to prove it..

i'm growing out my hair, to be as long as it use to be..it should take about year n half.. then i'll cut it all off again..

 

i'm excited that its the new year, and i have great friends and a boy to start it off with. Though they won't read this, I'm thankful for them..They mean everything to me.

and i'm ending with that..

 

<3